Fear of failure

I’m having a bit of crisis today after my episode with what should count as a minor hill in the grand scheme of things. I’m worrying about not getting the miles in now and finding myself in the broom wagon on the day.

The broom wagon is what happens to those who simply haven’t got what it takes to reach the time-checks on the course. I desperately don’t want to be one of them. I’ve been worrying about what sort of set up to take and what gearing is going to work for me. All a handy diversion from my day-to-day worries but not really getting me anywhere.

so I turned to Ron’s etape site – http://www.etape.org.uk/. It’s a very useful resource for anyone doing the Etape and has raised my spirits somewhat. He’s reminded me that I don’t need to be ready now, but in July and that when it’s as bitingly cold as it is this week there is always the gym. So tomorrow evening I’ll be popping down my old gym and sitting on the cycling machine for a couple of hours pounding out a hard session to make up for it.

I somehow feel like I’m riding within my limits at the moment and not really improving on my fitness level. I’m still struggling on actually getting up the roads that should be a doddle. Perhaps my recovery rate has improved and I haven’t noticed that but I just don’t feel like I’m developing the power to take on the mountains.

There’s the urge to get out there and really push myself but it has to be tempered with the knowledge that the target is a long way off yet. In the meantime I suppose I can still keep wondering about which bike to buy next. The Focus Cayo from Wiggle is certainly tempting me, being lightweight carbon, with a 10-speed range on the sprocket and the new compact chainset which in theory gives me almost as many options as a triple. Otherwise, I’m looking at the trek 1400 or similar spec.

I feel like my best option, not necessarily in terms of price, is to go to a shop and get myself fitted properly on a bike that will fit rather than risking one that might fit off the internet. What I save in cost I may well lose in service and actually getting the right piece of equipment for the job.

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